Cross stitch pattern of some cupcakes in the trans flag colors for Trans Day of Visibility. Download the PDF version here: Cupcakes Trans Colors Pattern

Alternative color scheme: Cupcakes Pattern

Grid Size:62W x 71H
Design Area:4.29″ x 4.93″ (60 x 69 stitches)
Colors: 8

Come check out my Patreon. I’ll be visible there too.

I’m a trans enby, everyone! I go by they/them pronouns.

I finally made an appointment to see a doctor about hormones. It was a hard decision for me since I don’t really feel comfortable with doctors and needles, but I remember looking in the mirror at the faint mustache I was growing and realizing that it would never grow fuller. I can’t just wait for it to grow like a teenaged boy would and, people will always only see me as an ugly woman if I sit around and do nothing. I’ll never have that barbershop quartet/magical train engineer look without testosterone and when I grow old, I want to look more like Santa Clause than the Fairy Godmother.

Gender is weird for me though. Have you ever seen a character in a show and instantly liked them because they looked like you? Have you ever designed a character in a game to look just like you? Have you ever wanted to take a picture of yourself because you thought you looked perfect?

I don’t do these things, these normal things that everyone does. I don’t do them because the me I see in the mirror isn’t who I want to be. I don’t get a lot of dysphoria as other trans people do, but I do have a truckload of disassociation. I see other trans folks posting Picrews of their transition goals, and it’s so hard for me to relate because even with all those character creation tools, I can’t seem to imagine a face that I would want to have. I’ve made over a hundred characters and none of them look like me.

I’m starting to understand why people pick the voidgender label.

So I’m facing my fears. I finally got on Medicaid. I got myself a doctor from a clinic that is pro-lgbt and I’m going. I don’t know where I want to end up, but I do know that this is just another step to looking like me.